Feels Like Old Times

I haven't done this in months. But here I am sitting in my car, smoking, and writing. As I feel compelled to stand watch over my children and my home. Knowing there is no sleep for tonight. As my brain tries to compose a battle plan that will include a plan for every possible eventuality…

From 200mph to 10: The Train Wreck

I have always been known as a person that does things differently than most. Since I was very young, I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. I am a very type A personality and an overachiever. But lately I have been barely able to function. Oh, I can go through the…

Re-victimized By My Abuser

Tonight, I received sixteen back to back calls from my daughter in less than ninety minutes. Each call triggering me more then the one before it. I knew it was nothing serious because when the staff calls they always leave voicemails. My daughter  knew from our last conversation the day before that I was not…

You Make Me Brave

These last few years have been utter hell as I have gone through all of these things with my daughter practically alone. I did not have much of a support system. My father died in 2015, which was the same year my mother decided she didn't want to be a mother and abandoned my siblings…

The Boogie Man In My Children’s Dreams

Tonight my middle daughter had a screaming nightmare. It has been a few weeks since she has had one this bad. For years these types of nightmares were a nightly occurrence for my four younger children. They were not lucky enough to have normal dreams, much less "normal" nightmares for years. Their older sister made…

The Fight of My Life

There is a saying in Spanish that says," If you are going to die, don't die on your knees begging for your life. Stand up and die fighting." My soul sister told me this tonight after I called her freaking out about a call I had just received from my daughter. The facility made an…